Where Is Your Refuge?
Image from unsplash. Used with permission.
I love when the Lord does this. Repetitive hints — recurring concepts popping out at me, getting my attention. Does this ever happen to you? Your pastor preaches a sermon about the love of God, then your devotional is about the love of God, the Psalm you read talks about the love of God, the next chapter of the book you’re reading is on the love of God, a friend shares in community group about the love of God… You get the idea.
I am not implying spiritual superstition by any means. I simply can’t help but notice when the Holy Spirit might be trying to get my attention through repeating themes through my devotionals, church, or various media forms. When this happens, I take some time to dwell on whatever the Lord might have for me…
This morning, it was refuge.
You see, I have been having some trouble lately.
Ever since I was a little girl, I imagined what adult life would be like - how I would be free from childhood pain, confusion, and instability. I thought that life would make more sense when I became an adult.
And in many ways, it has. I am a grown woman - with a husband, kids, we own a thriving business, I’ve traveled the world, I shop at Costco, I drive a new car… Life is good.
But there’s this thing.
This thing that I have latched onto ever since I was in junior high. This thing that would prove to the world that I am enough, that I am worthy, that I am put together, that I am a success despite my past.
I am almost embarrassed to admit what it is.
It’s a house. Yes, a house.
A big, beautiful, newly built, perfectly decorated, organized, maintained, located in the perfect neighborhood house. Pinterest and influencer worthy house. There, I said it.
My reasons are rather innocent — when I was young, I imagined myself living somewhere that showed the world I am okay. I made it. I’m normal, not broken. I’m safe. I’m secure. I have refuge. All that stuff I dealt with when I was little? No big deal, look how far I’ve come!
It’s not about the house. It’s about what I want the house to do for my heart. The safety, security, and escape a home like this provides.
Lately my desires have led to discontent, grumbling, and disdain for how the Lord has provided in my life right here, right now; and yesterday my heart and attitude burst.
Oh, but God.
This morning I sat down to read my devotional by Dane C. Ortlund, In the Lord I Take Refuge. The very first verse confronted my heart. “In you, O Lord, do I take refuge…”
In the Lord? My refuge can be found in the Lord?
I continued on, knowing this was for me right now. At the end of each Psalm, Ortlund provides a brief devotion for reflection. I’d like to share a quote here:
“Have you learned to lift your quest for a stable refuge from all the things of this earth to the one true refuge, the one that will never let you down or disappoint you, the one refuge that will hide you in safety and security even when you have failed it? ‘Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!’” — Dane C. Ortlund, In the Lord I Take Refuge (p. 86)
I paused for a moment, then put on a song that’s been on my mind this whole week, “Oh Lord My Rock and My Redeemer” the lyrics burst out at me and I knew God was trying to get my attention. Here are some of the lyrics, but I suggest you give the whole song a listen (posted below):
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer
Greatest treasure of my longing soul
My God, like You there is no other
True delight is found in You alone
Your grace, a well too deep to fathom
Your love exceeds the Heavens' reach
Your truth, a fount of perfect wisdom
My highest good and my unending need
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer
Strong defender of my weary heart
My sword to fight the cruel deceiver
And my shield against his hateful darts
My song when enemies surround me
My hope when tides of sorrow rise
My joy when trials are abounding
Your faithfulness, my refuge in the night.
Instant relief swept over me. Not that my troubles were instantly put out, but that God cared about me, his daughter, to remind me of where I can place my trust. He didn’t leave me in my yucky state.
I can take refuge in the Lord, not in the perfect house that symbolizes my safety, arrival, success, or stability. The Lord is my safety. My stability.
It’s not wrong to long for a home with more space to meet our family’s needs, it’s just not where I’m going to get my deeper need met - stability, comfort, care, and security. If I got that house right now, I know I would be carrying into it with me all of the muck in my heart that is longing for safety only the Father can provide. He alone can give me peace, comfort, and safety.
What is it for you?
What is the “if I only had this, THEN life would be good” thing for you?
A bigger house? A new playroom with perfectly organized bins? A raise? A new friend group? A better job? A new car? Obedient kids? A better church? A relocation? More travel? More alone time?
Don’t let your affections for the things of the world take the place of what he alone can do for the deepest needs of your heart.
I know that sometimes it can be hard to replace our affections from physical things to Christ. I found my heart wrestling with that this morning - “God, a new home is something I can see! Something I can feel! You want me to cling to something I can’t see?”
His word - His living, breathing, tangible word promises the Lord is a refuge.
He can be yours.
After the Lord gently confronted my heart, I praised him, repented of my grumbling and complaining, and asked him to change my affections with love for Christ. I asked him to be the sweeter song of my heart.
Even when my home gets messy and I can’t maintain it, the Lord is my refuge.
Even when I don’t feel like it’s big enough for our family, the Lord is my refuge.
Even when it’s not perfectly designed or decorated, the Lord is my refuge.
Even if the economy becomes more challenging, inflation increases all the more, and we just can’t make it work to move on, the Lord is my refuge - he will be now and forever.
I know that I will still mess up, I know I am prone to wander, but I wander under the care of a gracious God who cares for his sheep - he leaves the 99! And he will surely come for me.
“For you are my rock and my fortress;
and for your name’s sake you lead me and guide me;
you take me out of the net they have hidden for me,
for you are my refuge.
Into your hand I commit my spirit;
you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God.”
Going Further:
I recently listened to an audiobook that further explores the “If I only had this, then I would be happy” concept. I highly recommend you give it a read or listen! It was very practical, simple and easy to read.
I Just Wish I Had A Bigger Kitchen View on Amazon →
